||[Feb. 1st, 2006|11:46 pm]
I will wait for you. Through all the doubt and expectations of your abscence. From your mouth, and from my mind. I will wait as I always have... too foolish to ever come in from the rain. And to blind to see anyone poised to send me ready and easily seen dissapointment. But truly I see it all. I just hold fast to my sword by the blade, hoping they will see the blood. And maybe once... just fucking once... they will change their mind. |
I looked through my old wedding pictures today. I thought I surely would cry. But I didn't. I started to, but then I felt a hollowness. Like my mind is telling me she is gone forever, and that would be fine, if I could stop getting the flood of images... the sound of her voice,and the wrenching in my gut. The feeling of someone, carving you up into something like an idol of what together you where. But there is no us, beyond what I hold in memories. But why cling to those ideas? Am I afraid she's the only one who would have never left me, who would always be there when no one else would be... Who was someone I would spend the rest of life with, in happiness, where I a stronger man? I don't know. I just hope someone proves me wrong. "I shouldn't wait for you"? No. I think waiting for you, is the last thing I can hold faith to anymore. She has taken my son. I have lost more within and more without than anyone outside of me can fathom. So I will hold onto this one thing. And pray.